Waiting

the first and the second time 
I waited for you 
wondering if that meant
we shouldn’t be together
I waited 
until we’d mostly decided,
But we didn’t talk about it.

You are a storm
Your dust lighter 
My dust is sand-like-
Maybe thicker
My sand is cold, wet, violent 
It’s settled impatiently.

There is no need to compare.

I think love is what they said it is 

what it felt like-
a heavy heart
inside 
silent compassion 
because you need 
space 

You astronaut.

What does it mean
to be bad for someone? 
to slow me down

I wanted…
to I love you 
Like 
Every human deserves 
But I’m waiting 

What does it mean
if that’s not how I 
love?

keep your promise
give it back
you still need space 

Instagram won’t stop suggesting 
I visit your profile 

I had a dream last night 
That you proved me right

When you need me
taking care of myself 
Felt empty 
I want you to need me
But maybe I’m afraid 
To need myself 
It’s easier to focus on you. 

I cannot take care of you
in replacement for what I decided
I do not deserve

I’m sorry I tried.

Another person told me my worth
the way I tried to make you see in yourself
and despite my fears and patterns
I decided to believe them.

Maybe I’m worth taking care of.